i try and keep true to a set of values.
i have a set of moralistic levels which i try and play my life by, that i judge myself and others by, the ‘line’ that distinguishes me from someone uncouth and uncivilised. i try and live my life according to these values.
But, occasionally, i am untrue to myself. I break the morals which I have set in place for myself.
Sometimes I do so wrong that i disgust myself, and many of the people who love me.
I feel sick and guiltridden that I am able to lower myself to such a perverse lifestyle where i can break some of my most deep inner feelings and value systems, but needs must, and although i’m not sure i’ll be able to ever forget or forgive myself – i have to admit, today i have shat upon my entire belief system and destroyed everything that is dear to me emotionally and physically. i’m not sure how i’ll be able to live with myself.
what have i done that is so bad you ask?
well my child – i shall tell you.
and i’m sorry.
if you never want to speak to me again, i understand.
i joined the gym
It has probably been a good night out when you wake up with pieces of street furniture, a giant cardboard front cover of Time Out and two tickets to see Sophie Ellis Bextor at the Shepards Bush Empire.
It was probably a good night last night.
Kev’s birthday, and the Griffin played a ready precusor to home restaurant for (i’d say an improvement on their earlier works, although an increase in price too) a fantastic rib eye steak with garlic (HELL YEAH!!!!!) garlicky garlic butter. Then downstairs for a few, and then on to the [not so] Great Eastern to finish ourselves off.
i’m concerned for bethnal green.
i’ve just walked home, and there were no, count them , not 1, not 2, but NO whores.
what the hell is going on?
this is bethnal green for chrissakes, the home of the degrading, degraded and downright de… well, lots of other words prefixed with de- (with the exception of decadant), and when i pay my council tax to Tower Hamlets, I damn expect the occasional lady of the night to accost me on my travels.
ok, fair enough, there was a lonely bag full of tesco shopping which amused me at by the bus stop, the man who seemed to lose his balance completly when walking back to his car across the garage forecourt, and the troupe of miscreants outside tesco itself – but they’re simply not the same. one comes to expect a level of depravity, and when its not fulfilled, well, i shudder to think what this evening’s walk has done to me emotionally.
apart from that, what a lovely evening out. the wind has died down somewhat, and the sky is postively blue – the occasional wisp of cloud streaking across the midnight sky reminds me somewhat of my younger days as a child in 1930s Gotham City.
You know what, i think i’ve found my ‘list’ again.
(me becky and lissa.. cheeky monkey, friday18th jan, 2002)
brill weekend.. went up to wolves to see lissa after her return from travelling the world over.
i suppose i’m going to have to get used to hearing stories about goings ons in far flung parts of the world when everyone gets back from their travels. bastards.. i wanna go now too :) maybe maybe.. there is still plenty of time.. i’ll be minted in a few months time, and i won’t ever have to work again.. maybe i’ll go travelling then ;)
anyway.. went to cheeky monkey for friday evening.. didn’t collapse into bed until around 5am after somehow managing to find somewhere which would deliver pizza at 4am.. very impressed.. and then on saturday went out to brindlay place for dinner at tin tins.. all very lovely and northern ;)
came back to rainy london though.. don’t particularly fancy the week if its going rain :-\
decided to probably hang up webponce rants.
as promised.. piccies
and movies :)
we put all the desks and stuff in there today (well, i managed to turn up late, and all the hard work was already done mwuahahaha!!), but still, the new office is coming together.. i have my desk (and no internet connection. but desks are good :)
i think this week is going to be a little mental.. but.. its mental IN OUR OWN OFFICE!!!! woooO!!!!
i’ll show pictures tommorow ;)
happy new year!
for most anyway
rosie has managed to break her leg in three places after just 4 hours of being on the snow.
we spoke to her yesterday and she was in hospital after an operation putting pins in her shin.. not great :-\
suddenly our skiing holiday loses its attraction
new years eve was cool – went down to cardiff to see jon and dawn, and we went out for a meal with nadi and cohort, about 13 of us in the end at an indian restaurant.. and then on to someone’s house for a party afterward..
i then went down to bristol to see becky for a few pints.. my thoughts of abstaining from alcohol lasted all of 2 seconds.
so, travelling around the country somewhat at the end of last year.. was all good :)
and welcome to 2002.. i’ve a feeling this year is gonna be a good one..