i try and keep true to a set of values.
i have a set of moralistic levels which i try and play my life by, that i judge myself and others by, the ‘line’ that distinguishes me from someone uncouth and uncivilised. i try and live my life according to these values.
But, occasionally, i am untrue to myself. I break the morals which I have set in place for myself.
Sometimes I do so wrong that i disgust myself, and many of the people who love me.
I feel sick and guiltridden that I am able to lower myself to such a perverse lifestyle where i can break some of my most deep inner feelings and value systems, but needs must, and although i’m not sure i’ll be able to ever forget or forgive myself – i have to admit, today i have shat upon my entire belief system and destroyed everything that is dear to me emotionally and physically. i’m not sure how i’ll be able to live with myself.
what have i done that is so bad you ask?
well my child – i shall tell you.
and i’m sorry.
if you never want to speak to me again, i understand.
i joined the gym