its been a while since a real rant..

but ffs.

why oh why oh why oh why oh why do they insist on showing spoilers to next week’s ER moments after this week’s ER?

its bad enough that they mention bits in newspapers and such the like, but adverts giving away key points is blastfamy.

there are two loves in my life. as long as i can remember, i’ve always been in love with these two things. Hence, one should not knock, insult, suggest otherwise, poopoo etc. etc. Yet channel 4 insist on ruining next week’s episode by showing me the bits where Abbie does this, Kerry does that, Carter does this, Marc does that.




hmm. too much to drink perhaps? ;)

who can shave the most effectively –> he with the cleanest shaved face

who can fail to shave the most effectively –> he with not the cleanest shaved face…

where’s the double negative in that kirk? and don’t drag me into your petty rants ;)

besides.. there is something deeply disturbing about having a three way discussion about facial mutilation online with a potential audience of 6 million. and thats just simon’s friends.

it appears that slim and kirk have started some stubble rant on their respective websites – who can fail to shave the most effectively or something. It seems that simon is hurt by the fact that no-one commented when he grows his neopolitan facial hair, but when slim grows a beard, which seems to have been doing now for the past several weeks, everyone remarks on it. well, may i clear this up for once and all, no-one mentions it when you grow your beard simon, as you are part of the great unwashed viking heritage – it is expected from you. stephen.. he is part of the great shaven maven brigade. so, shurrup you geeks ;)

and sod off.. i wasn’t at the pub, i was at a classy tex-mex establishment in docklands :)

there is a delicate balance between when one should leave a well filled taxi rank and begin to walk home, although i’m not quite sure where it lies. There is a point at which one has waited long enough that one could have meandered home, and which time you have waited to long, yet any point before the the requistie duration of your journey on foot is too short, while still, one must factor in the cost versus ‘can i be arsed’ equation.

I, being a simple man, of simple pleasure, for example, a Marks and Spencer Cheese and Coleslaw sarnie will perk me up, do not have the understandings of the laws of physics, psychics or sod, and do not nor cannot work out the balance between whether to up and wander home along whore laden streets, or mope around reading my book until the 30 people in the queue infront of me and Euston station got into their cabs before me.

Yet, as 45 minutes had passed, my book was decreasing in its interest, the inflamed gum around my wisdom tooth increasing in its incessant (although not required) pain and complete tiredness after a weekend of drinking and eating on a very regular basis, five taxis arrived altogether to prove murphy correct, and i jumped in, readying myself for bed.

why do all pharmacies smell the same? it must be the combination of lucozade, chupa chups and highly powerful chemicals being mixed in the perfect proportions to heal old people’s ailments. and why do they never do lucozade in those orange plastic wrapped glass bottles anymore? they were cool.

i’ve just been to the pharmacy to buy a razor and shaving gel. the odd growth on my chin had progressed from bad to worse, so it was time to remove it, and being in the mad panic striken rush that i was in preparing for my weekend to wolverhampton, i’d forgotten razors. its really quite odd shaving with a razor you’re not used to – half apprehension about letting this blade near your face, and half wondering quite how to hold it. A man has quite a relationship with his razor – i wonder what it says about a person? The men who use disposables, the men who use single, double and triple bladed razors, men who only use electric. Has it some deep psychological meaning? Am i razor slut because i use disposbles? I’m even cheating on my longer term brand during this weekend away. I feel dirty.

I almost got run over today.

I was in a world of my own, listening to my music, and car pulled out from nowhere and almost took me out.

Its like everything slows down. The music stopped, everything turned digital. A small heads up display appears from nowhere, a green outline of the car surrounded the bodywork of Vauxhall which was about to end my wonderful life. A electronic buzz shouted “WARNING WARNING… G-Reg car about to break your legs”.

And then it happened. A massive jolt which pulled me out of my body backwards. The car hadn’t hit me, but it was about to, and my life started flashing before my eyes. It started with my childhood. A mini me standing in front of me wearing a Paddington Bear outfit. Then six years later, still wearing the outfit. Another ten years rushed before me, still couldn’t shake the Paddington theme. It was starting to get embarrasing. University, pubs, booze, vomit and hangovers.. i re-experienced them all. That sucked.. i had to write four years worth of coursework within 3 nanoseconds. Still, i did better on that Learning Philosophies essay this time. Deepend, and all the wonderful people i met there. It was starting to come to an end, and the rate at which my life was shooting past was reducing.. i was starting to remember last month, last week, three days ago, two days, two hours, two minutes, two seconds.. and then duh! of course.. look right, left and right again before crossing the road. So, i stepped backwards before the car hit me, it carried on, and because of my experience, i remembered where i put my keys for work and that there is a �20 Waterstones voucher underneath that Sophie Ellis Bextor CD on my desk.

Made my day that did.


i’m getting to old for this – its only 3am and i’m flagging.. nay, dying..

my body is empty and powerless, i’m coding on pure habit alone.. not even looking at what i’m doing..

i need caffeine, and the hallucinations have kicked in already..

i didn’t prepare enough for this late night…

oh well, gotta love it though ;)

really need some speakers though – headphones increase the paranoia.

wonder if this place is haunted..

oh, btw: