i’ve never bought from a wedding list before – and i’m facing all the dilemmas that it provides. If i buy them a cushion, am i implying they are couch potatoes, and need to get out more? If i buy them a bin, am i saying they have lots of crap in their house? if i buy them towels, am i hinting their personal hygene isn’t what it should be? i could truly ruin a friendship here by buying a set of steak knives.

and then there is the cost issue.. does the amount in pounds exactly relate to how much you value the couple as friends? how does it work?

�15 – colleague?

�30 – good friend?

�60 – you fancy the bride?

�100 – you just got paid?

�250 – you just got dividends?

�350 – you just got that pad in mayfair?

�500 – how have the police not caught you yet?

�750 and upwards – Professional Footballer / Movie Star / MP ?

i just don’t know. maybe i should make them a present, like we did at school, get out my glitter and pasta and glue – surely they’d appreciate the effort, even if my macaroni mona lisa looks more like last night’s carbonara.

you see, i’m a wedding virgin, sure i’ve been to weddings before, but always with my parents – never been invited to one before. I’ve been to a few receptions and aftershow parties, but the whole sitting in the church, getting asked if *i* am a friend of the gride or broom.

i think i need guidance from a marriage counsellor – they do support guests as well as couples right?

however, all that being said.. i can’t wait! :D

(postscript for the groom: don’t worry dooder.. i’m good with pasta, glue and glitter, you’ll love it ;)

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