i’m not sure if this is a universal – however, glitter, when i was at university and college, used to get *everywhere*. when i’d go out with people wearing it, it would invetably end up on me, on my clothes, on my face, probably in my drink and food, ergo in my poo. You’d then find it again (the glitter, not the poo) weeks later on a completely different pair jeans or tshirt – sometimes even an item you’d purchased after the event and hadn’t worn yet. Glitter is a magical phenomenon. It travels the world like this too. A party I went to at the Museam of Contemporary Arts in Sydney quickly turned in to a debauched drinking session, and when the social boundaries of ettiquette broke down, people had taken to stealing glitter covered letters from the walls and a) hitting other people with them or simply b) taking them home. As a result, the following morning, i was covered in glitter, and so was the bed i had slept in. Weeks later, upon my return to England – some 10,000 miles away, the glitter was still engrained in most of my clothes. The same happens for people i’ve not seen for weeks – my ex-housemates at university often wore glitter, and after visting, even weeks afterwards, i would find some small piece of magpie attracting dust on my face or jumper.

Of course, i’m now 23 (pushing 48), and my contact with glitter is quite considerably reduced – i’ve not used glitter personally since adrian’s wedding gift, and since i was about 12 before that – but there is an adult glitter. Coffee grounds.

Upon washing up a cafetiere, you will find that the little black bits of coffee cling on to your skin for dear life, almost as if they were to lose hold, the world would fall apart. It gets everywhere. Some how, i just had some on my face. How? for the love of god how? There are so many unanswered questions in the world – and I’ve decided to devote my life to answering them. So please, if you have a situation you don’t understand – mail me. I shall endevour to find out, and post the results back here.

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