Si :greetings sports fans, and welcome to another week of Extreme Knackeredness. This week freshman Simon Kirk will once again be in the starting line up against the now well established team Too Much Work In Too Little Time. Bookmakers are predicting the Simon will only have a limited amount of sleep this week, but he’s a figher, and we’ve seen him battle through similar adversity before. So what do you think, Matthew? Will the 3 times worldchampion once more show his true colours?
webponce :thanks marty, and its certainly, as you said, a week to behold, the national freelance playoffs are kicking into effect, and we have a 6 project deficit against the NWL teams from North Dakota.Whether or not we’ll see a mammoth battle against time, sleep with support from the Caffeine Users Group, or a slovenly attack from the rear is yet to be seen – but I’m sure of one thing Marty – its a scorcher out there – and there is all to play for before the end of this Jumpin’ June on NBC.
webponce :we’ll be right back after these massages.
webponce :ooooh. thats better.. a little bit lower.. mmmm. gooooood.
Si :Indeed Matty, this month’s NFPs are *the* hot ticket to coding fans, and with favorite Simon Kirk having to confront old demons, relearning PHP for the first time in a year and a half while simoultaneously maintaining his 9.0 code average on his ‘banker’, the Vitsoe Project, things really are there for the taking. He’ll
be hoping for another 3-play delivery, with quick invoicing and a low turnover rate from the Employers (aka the forth officials), and as they say in soccer, a net-score can come at any time!
Si :Hang on a moment Matty, I think we have a word coming in from our ‘man on the ground’, Stevy Wet!
Si :say again Steve-o, you’re breaking up, the crowd noise is overwhelming – so many keyboards all firing at once
webponce :Stevy.. you’ve been with the players in the locker room this morning, whats the feeling in the main camp?
fsck :Thank you Brian. Well let me tell you tempers and nerves, like the hamstring of an England striker, are at full stretch this fine summer morning. Both teams are basking in the glow of a delicious yellow sun, enjoying their stroll around the pitch before the Armanis are laid aside and battle can commence. The locker rooms have the air of a Roman gladiator pit, both teams champing at the bit, willing time to wend its eternal way forwards to kick-off time. And none of us can wait for it. Back to you in the studio.
Si :Thanks for those in incisive comment stevie-baby, as always you can almost taste the atmosphere here in the commentary box. So matty, with proceedings about to begin, any predictions on the outcome of play?
webponce :Thanks Bob. Looking at the history of Simon ‘Thrash it out’ Kirkster Kirk the Kirkster – his training back at UCLADELLJF23JJDF certainly put him a good position to clear up on the market of night time coding – but younger light weight players have been filling the markets from the left and right wings over recent months and forcing the mature Kirkland Kirkybaby Kirkdoodlemeister to take a step back – but this season, he seems to be back with avengance and his 32 point defeat of underlings from the college teams have put him in favours with the local agencies and talent spotters. I think we’re all looking for a slice of hot geek action
this week, and expecting a exciting show. Although he is nursing an injured indent, i think he’s fit enough to run with the byte, and pull this victory to his trophy cabinet. Your thoughts on his ass Bob?
Si :’Hot Geek Action’ indeed Matty! That’s the thoughts of both male and female fans alike, as this man still maintains anti-gravity ass abilities despite spending long stretches on it during his marathon coding sessions! In fact some say that his ass is the very source of his popularity, with fans waiting with bated breath for the moment he rises majestically from his chair exposing it once more to the world. It’s a miracle of modern engineering John, and worth every cent of the $24.50 he paid for it way back in his inaugral season with the Enders of Deep, his one time rookie team. The college boys certainly press hard and every season their challenge grows, but somehow Kirk the Kirky Kirkoff seems to find more fuel to his fire! Hang on a moment Matty, I think our new correspodant Adrianne Ging has stepped up tot he plate with his normal mix of attitude and stats. Adrianne, any thoughts on the upcoming code showdown?
ade :hey there big ass fans!
ade :weeeellllll herewearearethemajesticregentstreetstadium
webponce :well, i think we’re getting some satelite problems from that link.
webponce :we’ll try and sort that out, and get back to adey adester adeness later in the programme
webponce :in other news, new recruit Kell “Open me up like a can of beans, and spread my contents over a small persian rug” Jones has just been hired to play fullback for the Sasquatch Warriors. The 7 year old signing has sent ripples through the sports world, as the player has no head. Coach Jed Jedster says it gives the player a unique running ability. We spoke to the new signing to hear what he had to say about his position:
webponce :” ”
webponce :Thanks Kell – we’ll be expecting a great deal from him i think. Bob?
Si :Well Gloria, I think it speaks volumes about Kell’s new insights into the game, if only we could do somethinig for his volume! Hohoho. But joking aside, Kell is one of a new breed of fullbacks and I think it’s only a matter of time before we see new college recruits taking similar steps and having their heads surgically removed. It’s only once more step down the road of artificial body enhancements that we’ve been seeing for some years now, and while some say it’s against the spirit of play, others say it just means even better entertainment, and who am I to argue! The sight of a 320lb headless 7year old charging his way downfield is enough to make me feel a stir in my pants!
fsck :Brian, if I can interrupt you there, we’ve got some fast-breaking news I’d like to give you…
webponce :And talking of pants.. what about those Chicago Bulls!?
webponce :but seriously…
Si :Stevie Steve-baby Steve-o, go ahead and hit us with your wisdom
webponce :I’m afraid i’m going to have to leave you in the capable hands of Bob Bobness Bobman – as i’m off to play in the nationals as a waterboy.. I’m, Susan Trevyk, signing offff.
Si :FX: holds hand to ear-piece
Si :Well it’s been a pleasure as always Suzie, and I’ll be seeing you in the showers later tonight after full time.. I think steve-The Stretch-steve-o’s words are coming in from tthe sattellite uplink
fsck :I’ve been getting the low-down from some old-timers around the stadium here, and I must say there’s some concern here that Simon McKirk Kirksterster is gonna have a hard time playing with the big boys here this week. He’s going to have to pull some extreme power naps out of the bag if he’s going to keep up that .900 average on his work work. And as I always say, if the soe Vits, Vitsoe. Ahaha. More on that later, but also breaking today is news of Matt “Matty” McKnightland, there’s a lot of pressure on him this week as he switches from the Bethnal Greeners to the Clapham Wellstocks. Lot of extra work needed to be put in there by him if he’s going to make an impact in time for this year’s finals. Back to you Ed.
Si :Well thanks Steve, and I think we all know that Matty’s Well Hung Work Ethic – a style of play he’s been single handedly advocating for the last 2 seasons – is highly intensive, and it depends largely on the installation of his new “ADSL” unit, which as we all know means Average Daily Sausage Leanings, and boy can it make all the difference. So there we have it, two stars in the firmanent, beacons of overwork and underpay, and they’re just the start. Stevie, I’ve heard rumours that you too may be coming back from retirement to show these young pretenders a thing or two, and there’s even whispers of a little known red-headed giant who is
doing good things down south, and with this kind of action on the cards, just slap my ass and call me Charlie, but this is gonna be the season to end all seasons! So it’s over and out code fans, and remember – keep it tight, keep it slick, and always catch your exceptions before throwing out the stack! Until then, I’ve been Slimes Daily, and I leave you in the capable hands of our daytime code-meister, Ade “Definitely not Adey” Cockleyhooderston!
ade :and thanks for that Slimes, here I am reporting from our other big match game over here in West Enderfieldville. It’s the start of the second, things are tight. Already the contraversial out-field pitch-manager has stepped up to the base, despite initial fitness issues. She’s thrown a curve ball! And how will the young hitter cope with an early game shocker?!