Dear Webponce
I know we hate the Argies & we’re happy they’ve been ousted from the
World Cup, but it’s really, really unfortunate and annoying that some of
them are right sorts. Do you have any helpful suggestions for how to
banish such impure thoughts from my mind?
Thanks
Eager of East London
Hi Eager, and thank you for your wonderful question.
Not being a fan of geography or football, it took me a little time to research your problem, but I believe I have found both the cause and symptom. Our love/hate relationship with the Argentianinans began some years ago, when a popular music star allegedly made contact with God.
Madonna Louise Ciccone was born on August 16th, 1958 in Bay City, USA. I was unable to ascertain exactly when she started playing football on an international level, but I think we all are aware of when Madonna used the hand of god to win a game against the English on June 22, 1986. Uproar in the colonies as the English disputed that using deities as support for attack on goal simply wasn’t allowed by FIFA ruling, yet Argentina claimed God doesn’t exist.
Some would dispute Madonna’s elegability to play for Argentina. Being born and raised in the continental US, surely she should be covered in padding and playing for the Dallas Cowboys, but her marriage to Juan Peron, the former Argentian president allowed her to play for her adopted country.
Investigations by webponce.com however, have brought to light new evidence. 1986, as well as world cup victory, Madonna releases True Blue, its first track “Papa Don’t Preach” suggests an immediate connection to religious influence, and digging further in her history, her second album just two years previous heralded tracks like “Angel” (winged creatures famed to reside in heaven and north london), “Like a Virgin” (perhaps a comment on Richard Branson’s multipound empire, or no sex before christian marriage, both deeply religous ideals) and “Shoo-Bee-Doo” (an anagram of Be Shod Eooo, perhaps Arabic for ‘I Know the Holy One’?). Madonna is often cited in books and newspapers in relation to Jesus, the son of God, under headlines such as “HOLY MADONNA! Another single?” and such the like - it cannot be disputed there is a definate connection between the two.
England beat Argentina, and some see it as one up for the holy father’s earlier intervention in a football match, but I dare say we’ll never forget his guiding force. However clean and simple this may all seem though, Madonna’s second husband, Shane Ritchie, popular ITV entertainer, had this simple claim which could ruin all of my hard research “If it was the hand of God that knocked that goal in.. what the hell was he doing playing footie on a sunday? surely its his day of rest?”
A strong point indeed. But, despite disagreement over the goal, god’s involvement and potential breaking of his very own sunday trading laws, Madonna has produced many many wonderful albums over the years, so they can’t be all that bad can they?
